Define “x”

The definition of  “x” is one that cannot be dictionary defined. No, Mr. Webster could not publish enough pages to keep up with the ever-changing “x.” the pages would start to bleed their ink in a rush to define every possible way “x” could be presented. Rivers of every color would begin washing periods, semi-colons, commas, a’s, b’s, s’s, m’s and all other possible combinations of those with the other twenty-two members of the infamous alphabet onto the shores of human consciousness. Flooding the minds of the world’s populations, leaving them to pick and choose from the definitions they prefer; or what others tell them they should prefer.

            In an odd way, the inconceivability of “x” is, in and of itself, the definition. In mathematical terms, “x” is the variable: the term that changes anything and everything once one discovers what it truly represents. Though “x” is not mathematical, for the human spirit is not, regardless of how right brain oriented a person happens to be, it could be metaphorically compared to the mathematical concept. For, ladies and gentlemen, “x” is none other than a person.

            Pick someone, anyone, and they are “x.” Now is it clear why “x” is so indefinable? There is no person who mirrors another. Not in appearance, attitude, world mission (or lack thereof), or creative level. No two people can look at something and think in the same wavelengths as the other. Each person’s “x” is what makes all other peoples’ “x” exist. For if one person’s “x” was the same as another person’s, all “x” would cease exist. This is because of the explicit reason that individuality would be lost. It would be as if there was Armageddon, then a second one, just as the one before. It would be redundant and pointless.

            In this way, “x’s” definition is every person’s mind, soul, and spirit. Every thought they think, every reaction they give, word they speak, insult they spew, and praise they exclaim. “X” is infinite and has existed since the first person to have a thought about anything they happened to sense. It is infinite and unstoppable; just as any person’s thoughts and actions. It is the ultimate excuse and ultimate reason for all one may ever wish to explain. 

So My Last Months of Childhood are Upon Me

But it doesn’t feel like I am still stuck in the youthfulness of that word: “childhood.” Truly, working two jobs all summer, then returning to high school student life while being a care-taker to my younger sister’s child while taking two college classes hasn’t felt like the glory year of seniority in school. I feel like it won’t be travelling into the realm of simplicity anytime soon, either. More family plans, sexism (oh, to be a wrestler with a vagina in a red-neck town in the West), and planning for life post-high school is going to ultimately what absorbs my time. But the wonder of all of this chaos is that stress moves me. It dislodges the dams of stagnant thought and releases my spirit to tug at the chains binding me to post of “okay” circumstances. Because, let’s be honest, my life isn’t rough by any stretch. It just is not my idea of a rich, wonder-filled life. So, one must always go through the ringer before emerging dry and fresh to embrace the vast sea of experience and difference, soaking myself in its salty waters and absorbing it into myself, letting it expand within me. I do not plan on staying stationary. Not at all. Time is on my side, and youth affords me many luxuries that I might not otherwise be allowed. Vitality and stupid fearlessness, namely. Only the young in spirit take the chances necessary to push their lives to the edge and even step in to thin air from that ledge (without falling into the depths).

So, all that being said, I come back to the present: less that nine months until the tethers of secondary education no longer bind me and only seven months until the fetters of age are unlocked and finally the burdens and responsibilities are placed upon my shoulders to the fullest extent. 

I wish for my back to be strong to carry them and my mind to be just the right amount of “off” to keep myself out of trouble (mostly), but still balance those worries upon my shoulders.

Namaste?